The world needed a hero. An embassy, under siege. Hostages at risk. The pressure was on.

“We need the best,” the general barked. “Someone who can handle this.”

They looked at his file: Top scores in all combat situations. Unmatched tactical awareness. He’d broken every record. “The Shepherd,” they called him.

He was cocky, sure. Talked a big game. But the numbers didn’t lie. He’d aced every difficult task. They’d asked him, “Are you ready soldier?”

He’d smirked. “Born ready.”

The news cameras rolled as he approached the embassy. The Shepherd, our savior. He walked with confidence, a seasoned warrior.

He took a step.

A trip.

A gun shot.

He died.

They later found out, that The Shepherd spent his life in his basement mastering virtual reality games and shooting his digital gun.

©MadRomas

A strange virus has penetrated the earth and was spreading. No one knew what it was or what the cure was.

Officials have been looking all over for the right candidate to give some answers to this madness. Sad to say that among TikTokers and the OnlyFans generation, they failed to find anything close to that. They failed to even begin questioning their ability as «they/them» keep getting offended with every single question they were asked. They stopped asking women altogether as they keep saying, «We're independent and don't need no man,» even though nobody was asking that. Every diploma was just a bought paper. The majority failed to answer 2+2x2.

But with the last of a hope, however, they did find a perfect candidate who knew how to create life-saving vaccines. He was a retired 75-year-old scientist. The last chance humanity will ever have.

With every chance he got, he promised that he had found a cure, a vaccine with H2O, a capsule with sugar powder, a pill that was a Mentos candy.

That man was a troll...

©MadRomas

We’re so self-important. Everybody’s going to save something now. “Save the trees, save the bees, save the whales, save those snails.” And the greatest arrogance of all: save the planet. Save the planet, we don’t even know how to take care of ourselves yet. I’m tired of this shit. I’m tired of f-ing Earth Day. I’m tired of these self-righteous environmentalists, these white, bourgeois liberals who think the only thing wrong with this country is that there aren’t enough bicycle paths. People trying to make the world safe for Volvos. Besides, environmentalists don’t give a shit about the planet. Not in the abstract they don’t. You know what they’re interested in? A clean place to live. Their own habitat. They’re worried that some day in the future they might be personally inconvenienced. Narrow, unenlightened self-interest doesn’t impress me.

The planet has been through a lot worse than us. Been through earthquakes, volcanoes, plate tectonics, continental drift, solar flares, sun spots, magnetic storms, the magnetic reversal of the poles … hundreds of thousands of years of bombardment by comets and asteroids and meteors, worldwide floods, tidal waves, worldwide fires, erosion, cosmic rays, recurring ice ages … And we think some plastic bags and some aluminum cans are going to make a difference? The planet isn’t going anywhere. WE are!

We’re going away. Pack your shit, folks. We’re going away. And we won’t leave much of a trace, either. Maybe a little Styrofoam … The planet’ll be here and we’ll be long gone. Just another failed mutation. Just another closed-end biological mistake. An evolutionary cul-de-sac. The planet’ll shake us off like a bad case of fleas.

The planet will be here for a long, long, LONG time after we’re gone, and it will heal itself, it will cleanse itself, ’cause that’s what it does. It’s a self-correcting system. The air and the water will recover, the earth will be renewed. And if it’s true that plastic is not degradable, well, the planet will simply incorporate plastic into a new paradigm: the earth plus plastic. The earth doesn’t share our prejudice toward plastic. Plastic came out of the earth. The earth probably sees plastic as just another one of its children. Could be the only reason the earth allowed us to be spawned from it in the first place. It wanted plastic for itself. Didn’t know how to make it. Needed us. Could be the answer to our age-old egocentric philosophical question, “Why are we here?”

Plastic… asshole.

― George Carlin

A young woman inherited a vast fortune, and her entire life became a perpetual party. Sex with multiple partners, orgies, yachts, expensive houses, diamonds – she indulged in it all. Despite her constant drinking, her health remained stubbornly perfect. By the age of 50, with a partner count exceeding a thousand men and women, she simply lost interest in sex. In a final act of defiance against all odds, she ran out of money, falling in love with an unassuming Asian man who had remained single his entire life, whose greatest joy was filing his taxes meticulously on time, and pleasing his boss. They died at the same age of 72.

You are that Asian guy...

©MadRomas

Once upon a time, there was a man unlike any other. He possessed an uncanny ability to be immune from the law, an invincible figure, so to speak. No matter his transgressions, he never suffered any consequences. He was, seemingly, the master of his own destiny.

Early in life, he never received a speeding ticket, not even once. Buying and selling drugs, consorting with prostitutes, engaging in brawls, stealing cars, breaking into homes – none of it mattered. No one was looking for him. Once, he stabbed a man in a dark alley and left the knife at the crime scene, yet nothing ever came of it. Years passed, and he grew bored with the realization that no one cared about his actions. Breaking the law became a tiresome and unfulfilling pursuit.

Eventually, the police caught up with him, collecting enough long-overlooked evidence to secure a conviction. He received a sentence of 254 years to life and found himself living as a supervisor in the prison laundromat.

…Later, he was shanked for sniffing inmates’ dirty underwear…

©MadRomas

The story began in 1987 in a small town. Even as a little boy, everything was a struggle for Daniel. School was difficult; he had extreme problems focusing, leading to bad grades. Gym class was the worst, as he lacked any natural physical abilities.

But Daniel was determined to succeed in life. He overcame all his difficulties through hard work, studying three times as hard as the other kids and training outside of school.

By his late 30s, his difficult life had shaped him into someone who never gave up, someone who fought to overcome anything life threw at him. His engineering career was a success, with a high-paying job working on projects anyone could only dream of.

Daniel could overcome anything he set his mind to—a true testament to his talent and will.

So when Daniel was diagnosed with cancer, he didn’t give up. He fought that battle for five years, determined to beat it for his wife and three adopted children.

He had overcome dyslexia, social anxiety, and a near-fatal accident in his youth. He was a survivor. He told everyone he would survive. He believed in himself. Anything was possible with his mindset.

But Daniel died. Cancer won, and he didn’t. Leaving his wife and three adopted children behind. Leaving all of his wealth to his thick thighs Latina nurse, Gloria...

©MadRomas

Sergeant Major Maxwell “Ace” Archer was precision; a perfect sniper. Every element of his existence, was perfectly ordered. His schedule was a clockwork masterpiece, his accuracy unmatched, and his focus a laser beam. He was the embodiment of the ideal sniper: disciplined, efficient, and relentlessly, terrifyingly, on time. 

Living he's quiet life out in the woods, peaceful expensive house  with anything a human been needs to live a perfect life. With offshore bank account. 

Than as it usually end up happening is he meets a woman, whether its random or through the job he had to do. Falls in love, mad love. A missed shot, a careless mistake in planning, because all of his attention is on the woman, has caused a chaos. Reputation is ruined.

Circumstances of that, he loses the job that he worked so hard for and building trust and perfect job score. 

Him and his woman had to live that life behind to start a family, while killing all the people that was after him for not completing a job. It was a mess, but he did it. He did it for the love of his life and a new chapter they can begin building together. No more secrets and everything is shared. Working a steady construction job with bank account that had enough money to last for ever.

Few months pass and his woman cheats on him with explanation — «You are not the same tough guy I fell in love with and your hands are softer». Than she emptied his bank account, because she's an independent woman and needs to explore her sexuality in Dubai.

He developed a drinking problem and died on the street...

The end.

©MadRomas

I will tell you, dear pal, a parable that was recently told to me by a mentally ill person. Once upon a time there was a little boy. And one day he was caught by an evil homicidal maniac. Caught, then, raped, but not killed, and left to die of hunger and cold in the city dump. The boy was dying, dying, and then suddenly he took and realized the whole truth about life. And as soon as he realized, he immediately began to glow with all might, just like the Apostle Paul. It all happened at night, and the local homeless, seeing the wonderful light, came out of their lair and found the boy. They took him, put him in the center of their hut and began to worship him as a living god. A week later, something clicked in the boy, and he stopped glowing. Well, the homeless, without further ado, raped him twice each and brutally killed poor bastard.

The moral of the parable is as follows: if this boy was engaged in kickboxing, he would have shoved killer maniac genital organ into his ass that night, and today, sitting in a cozy armchair, he would have read to himself his favorite Artist.

Andy came home very unhappy and depressed. All he wanted to do was to eat in absolute silence alone.
— What happened? — the father interrupted his son's thoughts.
— We live like homeless people! — the son answered nervously. — All classmates
have a car, a cool phone and a crowd of whores! And we don't have a fucking
thing at all!
Silence hung over the house. After a few minutes, father spoke:
«Listen,» he said to his son, handing him a mug.
...What is it?
— Just, listen.
The son leaned his ear against the mug and heard a hiss.
— And what? — the son asked
— Hissing?
— Hissing.
— It's soda and citric acid! — Father said cheerfully.
— So what? — the son asked.
After a short silence, the father said:
— It doesn't matter how much money you have, son. Why do you need them if you
have a whole ocean in your mug…
After these words, Andy hanged himself.

Myth 1. Introverts don't like to talk.
That's not so. Introverts just don't like to talk when they have nothing to say. They hate chatter. But if an introvert talks about something interesting for himself, he may not shut up for days.

Myth 2. Introverts are shy.
Shyness has nothing to do with introversion. Introverts are not necessarily afraid of other people. What they really need is a reason to interact. They don't communicate just out of a thirst for communication. If you want to talk to an introvert, just start talking. Don't worry about being polite.

Myth 3. Introverts are rude.
Introverts often do not see the point in dancing with a tambourine around social stroking. They want everyone to be real and honest. Unfortunately, in most situations this is unacceptable, and introverts often feel the pressure of social norms, which depresses them very much.

Myth 4. Introverts don't like people.
On the contrary, introverts highly value their few friends. They can count close friends on the fingers of one hand. And if you're lucky enough to be among them, you've probably got an ally for life. Having once earned respect as a worthwhile person, you have firmly taken your place on this list.

Myth 5. Introverts don't like to go out in public.
Nonsense. Introverts don't like to be in public for TOO LONG. They also tend to avoid the difficulties associated with social activity. They perceive information and experience very quickly, and, as a result, it does not take them much time to get it right. They are ready to go home, “reboot” and make sense of everything that is happening. By the way, rebooting is a vital thing for introverts.

Myth 6. Introverts always want to be alone.
Introverts feel great on their own. They think a lot. They are dreaming. They like to develop problems and solve riddles. But they can also be incredibly lonely if they have no one to share their discoveries with. They crave authentic and sincere communication with one person in one unit of time.

Myth 7. Introverts are weird.
Introverts are often individualists. They don't follow the crowd. They prefer to be appreciated for their innovative way of life. They think first of themselves and therefore often challenge the norm. They don't make decisions based on fashion or popularity.

Myth 8. Introverts are indifferent nerds.
Introverts are those people who are initially focused on their inner world, and pay great attention to their thoughts and feelings. This does not mean that they are not able to be aware of what is happening around them, it's just that their inner life is much more exciting and saturated for them.

Myth 9. Introverts do not know how to relax and have fun.
Introverts usually relax at home or in the lap of nature, and not in noisy public places. Introverts do not hunt for thrills and are not adrenaline junkies. If there is too much talk and noise around them, they simply “turn off". Their brains are very sensitive to the neurotransmitter dopamine. Introverts and extroverts have different leading neural pathways. Just consider it.

Myth 10. Introverts can pull themselves together and become extroverts.
A world without introverts would be a world where there are practically no scientists, musicians, artists, poets, directors, doctors, mathematicians, writers and philosophers. It is said that there are many techniques through which an extrovert can learn to interact with introverts. (Yes, now I am deliberately swapping these terms to show how biased our society is). Introverts cannot “pull themselves together” and deserve respect for their natural temperament and their contribution to humanity.